Ubuntu

It seems like yesterday that I was corralling the nearly 30 member wedding party down the aisle of Millville Baptist Church.   After a two year courtship and nearly a lifetime of knowing each other, we stood before our family, friends, and God and vowed to love each other until death do us part.  I assure you, we had no idea what that would truly look like, but at that moment we believed it would be true and blissful.  Well, we were right…for the most part.  This past month on September 26, 2013, we celebrated our 26^th wedding anniversary…for those of you doing the math…Yes; I was a really young bride. 

Often times people say the following phrases to Brian and I:

·         You guys look like you enjoy each other.

·         You two seem like you really love each other.

·         It seems as though you genuinely like to be around each other. 

We often respond to those kinds of comments with:  We do.   Funny how that is a phrase very similar to the one made on that fall September evening in a candlelit church filled with family and friends; some of which who thought we were making a huge mistake and others who felt there was no better time than the present to take a chance on this marriage thing.  So, on that night our journey went from: I Do to We Do; from I Am to We Are.  With the whispering of two words and the extinguishing of two candles, we became one. Ubuntu!

Ubuntu is a South African word (pronounced Ooh-BOON-too). In English, it roughly translates to "I am, because we are." This is a phrase that Brian and I share with each other often.  It is written in our home over our fireplace to remind us that who we are together is based on who we are as individuals.  It reminds us that neither of us is more significant than the other.  Yes, we have different roles, strengths, weaknesses, abilities, traits, etc., but we have both been placed in this relationship, in this body of marriage, with purpose and by design.

In First Corinthians 12:14-26, Paul uses the illustration of our bodies have many parts to  make one whole to depict the church.  He writes:

1 Corinthians 12:14-26 (MSG)

^14-18 I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn’t just a single part blown up into something huge. It’s all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, “I’m not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don’t belong to this body,” would that make it so? If Ear said, “I’m not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don’t deserve a place on the head,” would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.

^19-24 But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn’t be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, “Get lost; I don’t need you”? Or, Head telling Foot, “You’re fired; your job has been phased out”? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the “lower” the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it’s a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn’t you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?

^25-26 The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don’t, the parts we see and the parts we don’t. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.

I also believe that couples can hold fast to the truths that are presented in this passage and apply them to their relationships.  We know that both of us bring different attributes to the plate.  We know that we both have strengths and weaknesses. However, the importance lies in recognizing the dependence and interconnectedness with and to each other.  It is no longer I, but we.  It is not my strengths and weaknesses, but ours.  It is not my plans and dreams, but ours.  It is not my fears and concerns, but ours.  We realize that God has placed us together to be as one for His plan and His purpose.  He created us as individuals with the intent to use us as one body for Him! 

We do love each other, we enjoy each other, and we genuinely enjoy being in the presence of each other.  My heart truly longs to be near Brian when he is away.  I still get butterflies when he walks into a room.  Is our marriage perfect?  No. Do we struggle?  Certainly, we do!  I have found that when I think of myself as I instead of We, I put our marriage and relationship in jeopardy.  I struggle with “We”.  I struggle with putting me aside and focusing on the “we”.  However, I know that when I act as me…I hurt us.  When I act as we…the “We” flourishes and is able to be used the way He intended for it be. 

I will be the first to say that marriage is not necessarily easy.  It takes a daily commitment.  I truly believe that the key to a successful marriage is loving the other person more than one loves him or herself.  Doing this helps to keep the focus on the “we” instead of me. We hurt together. We laugh together. We pray together. We serve together. It is more than date nights and getting along with each other. It understanding the two individuals grow and develop into a new entity known as “We.”

I long to be the wife that God would have me to be in order for us to be the servants that He has called us  to be for His cause!

Ubuntu!

In Longings and Limitations...

Wow, it has been a while since I have shared the longings of my heart. I know that some of you have been sitting around thinking that all the desires of my heart must have been fulfilled since I have not shared in such a long time. Well, that is certainly not the case.  As a matter of fact, the longings of heart have grown.   Yes, that is correct…they have increased in number, but more importantly, in intensity.

In May, I took what would be classified as a trip of a lifetime.  Brian and I had decided that this was a trip that I should make solo.  For those of you who know us well, you know we do life together.  So, going alone was a bit different than our normal.  Little did I know that normal would never be the same for me again.  So, I left New Orleans on the morning of May 25^th headed for place my heart longed to be but had never been…South Africa.  I often told others how odd it was that my heart burned with desire to be somewhere I had never visited.  It was not until I arrived that it would all make sense.  My plane landed in Cape Town, South Africa on the night of May 26^th.  Two days later, I arrived in Port Elizabeth, my final destination, around 11:00 pm.  The next morning began a journey that would offer new insights to where I am, who I am, and why I am (creative license used here).

I would spend the better part of the next four weeks hanging out at Sinethemba Children’s Centre in Korsten, Port Elizabeth, South Africa.  I met Adam and Megan, fellow Americans, on this trip and partnered up with them to serve the kids at the centre.  Upon arrival at the centre, I knew that Sinethemba was the place for me!  In months prior to my departure, my final destination had changed three times…God’s plan of having me hangout  in PE was perfect.  Life lived. Life learned. Life loved.

As I walked through the eight foot cyclone fence that encircled Sinethemba, I had no idea of the life impact that was about to happen.  It truly was like a storm had whirled about me tossing and turning the very essence of who I was...being in a place never felt so right.  I had never been as sure of anything as I was that this is right where God wanted me to spend my time in SA.  The couple that was driving me around town that day wanted me to help at different crèches or centers throughout the area.  I said that would not be necessary.  I knew that whatever God had in store for me was going to happen right there on Stanford Road.

I spent the next few weeks, loving on kids that had longings as well.  Their longings definitely help to put my longings in perspective.  I have spent much of my life wondering why God had not let my plans and ideas work the way that I orchestrated.  Who knows me better than me, right!  Well, the fact is that it is not about me!  God used four preschoolers to teach me more about my existence in four weeks than I could have ever imagined. 

The term existence is defined by some as continuance in being or life; life.  As I hung out with these children every day and the school-aged kids in the afternoon, I started to view life differently, measure life differently, and live life differently.  It is amazing how much of who we are is revealed in the simpleness of life. I have read books and articles about living simple lives.  I have thought about the concept many times.  What I have determined is that we, as people, often clutter our lives so that we do not have the time or resources to be still and know.  Being still and knowing often requires change.  Therefore, we shove as much stuff into a week, a day, a moment…in order not to be alone with our thoughts or heaven forbid the Spirit.  SA brought a different perspective to my existence…my being…my life.

As my time came to end there, leaving was truly the hardest thing I have ever done.  I thought leaving my family to go on the trip was tough, but leaving those babies was devastating to me.  During my time there, I became extremely attached to one of the little girls.  Her name is Percy.  People ask me all the time why her?  My answer…I do not know.  It was instant.  It was like she was birthed right in my heart.  The amazing thing for me was finding out that Percy was placed at Sinethemba about the same time that God had burdened my heart about orphans in SA.  Is that coincidence?  I think not.  I call it providential.  I know that God is not finished using Percy in my life and the lives of others.  He has plans for her.  He has plans for me. Hopefully those plans will bring us together and draw us closer to each other and to Him.

So that brings me to the where, why and who of my existence.  Where Am I?  I am on a journey that has taught me that life is not about my existence, but that because of His existence I live.  Why Am I?  I exist in order to serve Him (in this case by serving others) in order for others to know Him.   Who Am I?  I am a being with great longings/desire, but even greater limitations.  It is in this area that I struggle with my longings and limitations.  However, God has really been showing me that it is in these limitations that He is made known. 

I am glad that I do not serve a God that is limited by my limitations.  I am also glad that He places longings in my life that can only be filled by His presence and existence and not mine!

Longing for the Real

May I have your attention please?  May I have your attention please? For some reason over the last few weeks, I have been reminded of the Eminem song entitled, The Real Slim Shady.  The song was not  included on the original copy of The Marshall Mathers LP before its release.  Eminem, Dr. Dre and Tommy Coster wrote The Real Slim Shady just hours before the final copy of the album was due. The song is a critique of manufactured pop songs that were being churned out at the time.  So, what does that have to do with me, a white, middle-aged woman who had never even listened to the entire song?  Well for me, the question of realness is not about manufactured pop music and its artists, but about  manufactured relationships people have especially those with God.  

I have felt over the years that people who call themselves believers have no idea what a real relationship with God is all about.  They could not recognize Him if He was right before them.  Often times, the Real Slim Shady (if you will allow me to use that term) goes unnoticed while the popular school of thought  regarding God and religion are often embraced as absolute truth.  I feel that I can say this because I am one of those who has had trouble and continues to have trouble separating the work from the relationship, the means from the meaning, as well as, keeping my focus on the Giver and not the gift.  In other words, I have been guilty of not being able to recognize the Realness of God.

The song's Real Slim Shady is a reference to the alter-ego of Eminem, Slim Shady.  Webster defines an alter-ego as a counterpart; something that makes something else complete.  With that said, we have spent far too long with our alter-egos being tied to religious acts, church traditions and/or rituals, church...in and of itself, spiritual disciplines, church ordinances, religious sacraments, etc... Our counterpart is Jesus; not Jesus along with any of those things fore mentioned or any other additional actions.  Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that any of these things are wrong or that we should not practice those traditions and ordinances ground in Scripture, but what I am saying is that we cannot be mistaken about Who our true counterpart is.  

It is Jesus and Him alone that completes us.  Due to my nature to want to control things, I often try to replace Him with other counterparts that allow me more say and control of the situation.  Over the years, I have used the church to be my counterpart.  By church, I mean just that...the church.  I am 43 years old, and I have never been without a church affiliation....ever.  With that said, I have been affiliated with some great churches: my home church--Millville Baptist Church, our Chicagoland church--Calvary Memorial, our Virginia based church--Purcellville Baptist Church, and our new church family Vintage of NOLA. However, if I am placing my hope and faith in the church...I am missing the Realness that is there for me.

Just recently, I was struggling with the politics of the church.  I often feel that it is the politics of church that Satan uses most to discourage those within the church and to hinder those on the outside from embracing God.  Then, all of a sudden it was like I'd been hit in the face with a ton of bricks...my counterpart has to be God, NOT tools that God uses.  I needed to confess my own inability to recognize my Real Slim Shady.  It is often more comfortable to put our trust in the work rather than  the development the relationship, it is easier to control the means rather than rely on the meaning, and often times harder to keep the focus on the Giver without trying to  not to manipulate the gift.

So, may I have your attention please?  Jesus is all that is needed to complete me!

Longing for Legalism...Not

Conceived. Born. Raised. Southern Baptist...Old School, very old school.

I was born in the Summer of 1969 (for some of you...a Bryan Adams tune is now playing in your head) to the Reverend and Mrs. Stanley (Grace) D. Day. I would be the last of their four children.  My dad was a bi-vocational Southern Baptist pastor; my mom was a pastor's wife and homemaker.  He had surrendered to the ministry and finished his schooling at Clark and William Carey in Mississippi before moving our family to Ponchatoula, Louisiana in February of 1970 to pastor at Millville Baptist Church.  A church that is still very much a part of my life.  A church that you will get to know if you follow this girl and her heart.  A place where many of my philosophies, convictions, and burdens were born.

Needless to say, my parents brought me to church, taught me about God and His love, lived out their faith daily (and still do), encouraged, by that, I mean required my siblings and me to go to church and follow the teachings of Christ. I spent the better part of my childhood and teenage years trying to figure out this God thing.  I walked the aisle, wrote my name on the card, was baptized...and...repeated as needed.  Well, at least that was my twisted version of salvation.

I strove to make sense of the longing in my heart for something more. Something meaningful. I tried to BE the best Christian I could be.  I tried. I prayed. I read. I failed. I tried. I prayed. I read. I failed.  It seemed to be a cycle of defeat.  I was not able to adhere to the principles. I longed for so much more. I had become a victim of the school of thought called legalism. I was my worst judge. I tried to live to the law of the land, but failed miserably leaving me doubting and evaluating what was wrong with me.

By definition:

le·gal·ism

noun

1. strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, especially to the letter rather than the spirit.

2. Theology.

  a. the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works.

  b. the judging of conduct in terms of adherence to precise laws.

I spent years trying to live the life that my parents had taught me about.  I spent years trying to live the abundant life my dad so often preached about. What was wrong with me? I was a miserable failure at this walk with Christ thing. As a teenager, I would rebel, attend church, go to youth camp, rededicate my life, and start the cycle of delusion all over again. I prayed but my prayers did not seem to get past the ceiling...certainly they were not making their way to God..so why do this, right.  I was pretty certain that God was thoroughly disappointed in my success (or lack there of) at living the Christian life.  I mean he had given me the greatest examples and surrounded me with godly people...why could I not get this right. Why was I living this meaningless life while my heart longed for so much more. I knew that my failure was not a result due to the lack of motivation. I was driven to make religion work for me, but to no avail.

Well, that is until the fall of 1990 (no catchy tune here). Brian and I were volunteer youth directors at Millville Baptist Church.  However, I was still struggling with my own inner battle of keeping the rules.  On this particular day, I was sitting in the stairwell of White Hall on the campus of Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond when I had a life changing realization.  It was that day that I finally grasped the truth that the God thing was not about rules (legalism), but about a relationship!

By definition:

re·la·tion·ship

noun

1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association; dependence

de·pend·ence

noun

1.

the state of relying on or needing someone or something for aid, support, or the like.

2.

reliance; confidence; trust

I had spent years trying to be the Christian that I knew God (and my parents) wanted me to be. I was depending on my knowledge of God, my understanding of the law, and my adherence to the rituals and traditions of religion to bring me into the very presence of God...the very thing my heart had longed for since childhood. It took me a while to figure out that the longing could only be filled by a dependence, a personal relationship, with God through His son, Jesus Christ.

Walking down the aisle, attending Sunday School, singing in the choir, being baptized, keeping the rules of the church/denomination...no drinking, no dancing, confession, regular church attendance, giving of your monies, volunteering your time, saying prayers, reading Scripture...in and of themselves, these acts are not wrong, but if you are relying on rituals/traditions/laws to fill the longing in your heart that is only meant to be filled with a relationship with God...you will be left unfulfilled!

I am so thankful that the very One that placed the longing in my heart...has filled it!  The best part of it is that He has placed new longings in my heart in the process of fulfilling others!

 

Longing

The word longing by definition almost seems hopeless or disappointing by nature: a prolonged unfulfilled desire or need. Perhaps, for some it is; however, for me, it is the extreme opposite...it is the hunger that drives me to press forward.

George Eliot once said, "It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them." In response to George, I have found in my life that the key is learning to balance what we hunger after and the lives we a thoroughly living in the present.  Learning not to miss opportunity to live while longing for something else. Sometimes, if we are not careful we will miss the very things we longed for while longing for something else.

It is my desire to share with those who are willing to read the journey of my hungers over the years, and what I have learned about true satisfaction.  I have come to realize that life truly is a journey and not a destination.  It is journey that is driven by longings that are fulfilled only by the One who places that very hunger in your soul. 

Hope you will join me as I continue to journey through this life story.