Wow, it has been a while since I have shared the longings of my heart. I know that some of you have been sitting around thinking that all the desires of my heart must have been fulfilled since I have not shared in such a long time. Well, that is certainly not the case. As a matter of fact, the longings of heart have grown. Yes, that is correct…they have increased in number, but more importantly, in intensity.
In May, I took what would be classified as a trip of a lifetime. Brian and I had decided that this was a trip that I should make solo. For those of you who know us well, you know we do life together. So, going alone was a bit different than our normal. Little did I know that normal would never be the same for me again. So, I left New Orleans on the morning of May 25th headed for place my heart longed to be but had never been…South Africa. I often told others how odd it was that my heart burned with desire to be somewhere I had never visited. It was not until I arrived that it would all make sense. My plane landed in Cape Town, South Africa on the night of May 26th. Two days later, I arrived in Port Elizabeth, my final destination, around 11:00 pm. The next morning began a journey that would offer new insights to where I am, who I am, and why I am (creative license used here).
I would spend the better part of the next four weeks hanging out at Sinethemba Children’s Centre in Korsten, Port Elizabeth, South Africa. I met Adam and Megan, fellow Americans, on this trip and partnered up with them to serve the kids at the centre. Upon arrival at the centre, I knew that Sinethemba was the place for me! In months prior to my departure, my final destination had changed three times…God’s plan of having me hangout in PE was perfect. Life lived. Life learned. Life loved.
As I walked through the eight foot cyclone fence that encircled Sinethemba, I had no idea of the life impact that was about to happen. It truly was like a storm had whirled about me tossing and turning the very essence of who I was...being in a place never felt so right. I had never been as sure of anything as I was that this is right where God wanted me to spend my time in SA. The couple that was driving me around town that day wanted me to help at different crèches or centers throughout the area. I said that would not be necessary. I knew that whatever God had in store for me was going to happen right there on Stanford Road.
I spent the next few weeks, loving on kids that had longings as well. Their longings definitely help to put my longings in perspective. I have spent much of my life wondering why God had not let my plans and ideas work the way that I orchestrated. Who knows me better than me, right! Well, the fact is that it is not about me! God used four preschoolers to teach me more about my existence in four weeks than I could have ever imagined.
The term existence is defined by some as continuance in being or life; life. As I hung out with these children every day and the school-aged kids in the afternoon, I started to view life differently, measure life differently, and live life differently. It is amazing how much of who we are is revealed in the simpleness of life. I have read books and articles about living simple lives. I have thought about the concept many times. What I have determined is that we, as people, often clutter our lives so that we do not have the time or resources to be still and know. Being still and knowing often requires change. Therefore, we shove as much stuff into a week, a day, a moment…in order not to be alone with our thoughts or heaven forbid the Spirit. SA brought a different perspective to my existence…my being…my life.
As my time came to end there, leaving was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought leaving my family to go on the trip was tough, but leaving those babies was devastating to me. During my time there, I became extremely attached to one of the little girls. Her name is Percy. People ask me all the time why her? My answer…I do not know. It was instant. It was like she was birthed right in my heart. The amazing thing for me was finding out that Percy was placed at Sinethemba about the same time that God had burdened my heart about orphans in SA. Is that coincidence? I think not. I call it providential. I know that God is not finished using Percy in my life and the lives of others. He has plans for her. He has plans for me. Hopefully those plans will bring us together and draw us closer to each other and to Him.
So that brings me to the where, why and who of my existence. Where Am I? I am on a journey that has taught me that life is not about my existence, but that because of His existence I live. Why Am I? I exist in order to serve Him (in this case by serving others) in order for others to know Him. Who Am I? I am a being with great longings/desire, but even greater limitations. It is in this area that I struggle with my longings and limitations. However, God has really been showing me that it is in these limitations that He is made known.
I am glad that I do not serve a God that is limited by my limitations. I am also glad that He places longings in my life that can only be filled by His presence and existence and not mine!
