Longing for the Real

May I have your attention please?  May I have your attention please? For some reason over the last few weeks, I have been reminded of the Eminem song entitled, The Real Slim Shady.  The song was not  included on the original copy of The Marshall Mathers LP before its release.  Eminem, Dr. Dre and Tommy Coster wrote The Real Slim Shady just hours before the final copy of the album was due. The song is a critique of manufactured pop songs that were being churned out at the time.  So, what does that have to do with me, a white, middle-aged woman who had never even listened to the entire song?  Well for me, the question of realness is not about manufactured pop music and its artists, but about  manufactured relationships people have especially those with God.  

I have felt over the years that people who call themselves believers have no idea what a real relationship with God is all about.  They could not recognize Him if He was right before them.  Often times, the Real Slim Shady (if you will allow me to use that term) goes unnoticed while the popular school of thought  regarding God and religion are often embraced as absolute truth.  I feel that I can say this because I am one of those who has had trouble and continues to have trouble separating the work from the relationship, the means from the meaning, as well as, keeping my focus on the Giver and not the gift.  In other words, I have been guilty of not being able to recognize the Realness of God.

The song's Real Slim Shady is a reference to the alter-ego of Eminem, Slim Shady.  Webster defines an alter-ego as a counterpart; something that makes something else complete.  With that said, we have spent far too long with our alter-egos being tied to religious acts, church traditions and/or rituals, church...in and of itself, spiritual disciplines, church ordinances, religious sacraments, etc... Our counterpart is Jesus; not Jesus along with any of those things fore mentioned or any other additional actions.  Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that any of these things are wrong or that we should not practice those traditions and ordinances ground in Scripture, but what I am saying is that we cannot be mistaken about Who our true counterpart is.  

It is Jesus and Him alone that completes us.  Due to my nature to want to control things, I often try to replace Him with other counterparts that allow me more say and control of the situation.  Over the years, I have used the church to be my counterpart.  By church, I mean just that...the church.  I am 43 years old, and I have never been without a church affiliation....ever.  With that said, I have been affiliated with some great churches: my home church--Millville Baptist Church, our Chicagoland church--Calvary Memorial, our Virginia based church--Purcellville Baptist Church, and our new church family Vintage of NOLA. However, if I am placing my hope and faith in the church...I am missing the Realness that is there for me.

Just recently, I was struggling with the politics of the church.  I often feel that it is the politics of church that Satan uses most to discourage those within the church and to hinder those on the outside from embracing God.  Then, all of a sudden it was like I'd been hit in the face with a ton of bricks...my counterpart has to be God, NOT tools that God uses.  I needed to confess my own inability to recognize my Real Slim Shady.  It is often more comfortable to put our trust in the work rather than  the development the relationship, it is easier to control the means rather than rely on the meaning, and often times harder to keep the focus on the Giver without trying to  not to manipulate the gift.

So, may I have your attention please?  Jesus is all that is needed to complete me!

Longing for Legalism...Not

Conceived. Born. Raised. Southern Baptist...Old School, very old school.

I was born in the Summer of 1969 (for some of you...a Bryan Adams tune is now playing in your head) to the Reverend and Mrs. Stanley (Grace) D. Day. I would be the last of their four children.  My dad was a bi-vocational Southern Baptist pastor; my mom was a pastor's wife and homemaker.  He had surrendered to the ministry and finished his schooling at Clark and William Carey in Mississippi before moving our family to Ponchatoula, Louisiana in February of 1970 to pastor at Millville Baptist Church.  A church that is still very much a part of my life.  A church that you will get to know if you follow this girl and her heart.  A place where many of my philosophies, convictions, and burdens were born.

Needless to say, my parents brought me to church, taught me about God and His love, lived out their faith daily (and still do), encouraged, by that, I mean required my siblings and me to go to church and follow the teachings of Christ. I spent the better part of my childhood and teenage years trying to figure out this God thing.  I walked the aisle, wrote my name on the card, was baptized...and...repeated as needed.  Well, at least that was my twisted version of salvation.

I strove to make sense of the longing in my heart for something more. Something meaningful. I tried to BE the best Christian I could be.  I tried. I prayed. I read. I failed. I tried. I prayed. I read. I failed.  It seemed to be a cycle of defeat.  I was not able to adhere to the principles. I longed for so much more. I had become a victim of the school of thought called legalism. I was my worst judge. I tried to live to the law of the land, but failed miserably leaving me doubting and evaluating what was wrong with me.

By definition:

le·gal·ism

noun

1. strict adherence, or the principle of strict adherence, to law or prescription, especially to the letter rather than the spirit.

2. Theology.

  a. the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works.

  b. the judging of conduct in terms of adherence to precise laws.

I spent years trying to live the life that my parents had taught me about.  I spent years trying to live the abundant life my dad so often preached about. What was wrong with me? I was a miserable failure at this walk with Christ thing. As a teenager, I would rebel, attend church, go to youth camp, rededicate my life, and start the cycle of delusion all over again. I prayed but my prayers did not seem to get past the ceiling...certainly they were not making their way to God..so why do this, right.  I was pretty certain that God was thoroughly disappointed in my success (or lack there of) at living the Christian life.  I mean he had given me the greatest examples and surrounded me with godly people...why could I not get this right. Why was I living this meaningless life while my heart longed for so much more. I knew that my failure was not a result due to the lack of motivation. I was driven to make religion work for me, but to no avail.

Well, that is until the fall of 1990 (no catchy tune here). Brian and I were volunteer youth directors at Millville Baptist Church.  However, I was still struggling with my own inner battle of keeping the rules.  On this particular day, I was sitting in the stairwell of White Hall on the campus of Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond when I had a life changing realization.  It was that day that I finally grasped the truth that the God thing was not about rules (legalism), but about a relationship!

By definition:

re·la·tion·ship

noun

1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association; dependence

de·pend·ence

noun

1.

the state of relying on or needing someone or something for aid, support, or the like.

2.

reliance; confidence; trust

I had spent years trying to be the Christian that I knew God (and my parents) wanted me to be. I was depending on my knowledge of God, my understanding of the law, and my adherence to the rituals and traditions of religion to bring me into the very presence of God...the very thing my heart had longed for since childhood. It took me a while to figure out that the longing could only be filled by a dependence, a personal relationship, with God through His son, Jesus Christ.

Walking down the aisle, attending Sunday School, singing in the choir, being baptized, keeping the rules of the church/denomination...no drinking, no dancing, confession, regular church attendance, giving of your monies, volunteering your time, saying prayers, reading Scripture...in and of themselves, these acts are not wrong, but if you are relying on rituals/traditions/laws to fill the longing in your heart that is only meant to be filled with a relationship with God...you will be left unfulfilled!

I am so thankful that the very One that placed the longing in my heart...has filled it!  The best part of it is that He has placed new longings in my heart in the process of fulfilling others!

 

Longing

The word longing by definition almost seems hopeless or disappointing by nature: a prolonged unfulfilled desire or need. Perhaps, for some it is; however, for me, it is the extreme opposite...it is the hunger that drives me to press forward.

George Eliot once said, "It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them." In response to George, I have found in my life that the key is learning to balance what we hunger after and the lives we a thoroughly living in the present.  Learning not to miss opportunity to live while longing for something else. Sometimes, if we are not careful we will miss the very things we longed for while longing for something else.

It is my desire to share with those who are willing to read the journey of my hungers over the years, and what I have learned about true satisfaction.  I have come to realize that life truly is a journey and not a destination.  It is journey that is driven by longings that are fulfilled only by the One who places that very hunger in your soul. 

Hope you will join me as I continue to journey through this life story.